the circle of life, in 3 short hours

9am, Englewood New Jersey:

a dear friend gave birth to a baby boy last week, and this morning was his bris.
only one of our other friends from high school has become a mother, but we have been so removed (not in principle, just practically) because of her religious lifestyle that it didn't make much of an emotional impact.

this new mother, is still an integral part of my social and jewish life (as a matter of fact, i met my boyfriend at her house during a holiday last year). for the past nine months she carried herself and her unborn child around tall and gorgeous and proud, making pregnancy look like a stylish walk in the park while still welcoming all of us into her home for delicious dinner parties and shabbatot.

today was no exception. she looked as incredible as ever, happy as a clam and totally, utterly laid back. she is going to be a fantastic mother--the mom that is patient and understanding, cooks with the best of them, buys her kids the coolest clothes, keeps a warm, open, clean home, gives great advice, plays basketball, carpools everyone to where they need to be, works her ass off, and makes it all look easy.

her beautiful, healthy little peanut of a son is lucky to have her, and i feel lucky that i'm getting the chance to watch this family grow from the very beginning.


10am, West 4th street(transfer to the F train):

transferring from the A to the F at west 4th street, i run smack into the ex mentioned in thermopalyespace. needless to say, we have not been in touch.

we spoke for exactly one subway stop. i apologized for what had happened, saying that had i known sending an email asking after the wellbeing of him and his girlfriend would have provoked such a negative reaction, i never would have sent it. i thought i had made my intentions very clear.

he agreed with me, and in turn apologized for what i had dealt with. then, he started to tell me that although she can be very (get ready for the #1 euphamism in 2007) "fiery," she really does have a lot of wonderful qualities and...

that's where i cut him off. he's not responsible for her actions, and i'm the last person to whom he needs to justify his relationship.

he digests this for a moment, stands up, mutters something about bad luck and the walls having ears, shakes my hand and declares "im going to move away from you now." which is exactly what he did. he got up, walked to the other side of the subway car and sat down, keeping his head turned so far in the other direction i hope he didn't get a cramp.

while we were both sincere (i believe, i hope, though i can't speak for him) in the apologies that we didn't really have to make, i can't help but wonder what was going through his head... discretion? paranoia? nobility? desire? regret? nostalgia? buyers remorse?

regardless, reliving the past conflict and love issues were draining, and my heart was palpitating at work for another two hours.

11am, the office:

my mother calls me. we have not spoken in 5 years. i don't even know how she got my cell phone number.

apparently my grandfather passed away last night.

mind you, she didn't call to tell me that. rather, as my brother has stopped answering her calls (for reasons similar to why i stopped talking to her) she was looking for alternate contact information to let him know about grandaddy's death.

that was the extent of our conversation. i wasn't even invited to the funeral.

i don't feel sad--which isn't to say that i won't. but i feel guilty about not feeling sad, regardless or how estranged we were.

and there you have it. birth, love, conflict, resolution and death. all in one helluva monday morning.

whiskey anyone?

UPDATE

i went on an interview after work that went quite well. he didn't laugh at me when i said that i wouldn't work for less than double what i'm currently making, and put my contact information in his blackberry. i take these as good signs.

and, i passed my real estate exam.